how screwed can one's life get?

or to be more precise, how screwed up can my life get??! the answer? UNDEFINED..
nothing comes so easily. everything has got it's consequences or what i would call, 'payback'.. nothing seems to go smoothly for me. absolutely nothing. when i finally get my way at one particular thing, a row of bad situations will befall onto me in an instance.

let's see, the time now? 2:15 am. just got back not long ago from a movie, The Cave. people who have known me for a very long time would think that it's probably raining pigs and cows outside now. i'm allowed to go for such a late nite movie?? wow.. penang island's gonna sink tomorrow. but believe it or not guys, i did went for the movie. my bro did most of the 'asking permission' thing (thanks bro! you're great! love ya!) while i just had to go through those usual questions - "what? when? where? how? and most importantly, who?" gosh, they are so predictable. can't they come up with something new? come on, surprise me. hah! and most probably, that day will be when i'm on my death bed at the age of 21 or even by the end of 2005. yes, i'd prefer to die early.

so, as unusual as it seems, i wasn't even lectured during the who ride to Gurney. wow. seriously, nothing good would come up from this point onwards till the next 'great thing' that'll go my way. i was then walking across the car park on my way towards the building and saw a group of guys in black coming my way. black = bad news. tsk. true enough, i looked up and guess who i saw??! the once so called "lord ianarious, exalted of sigmar. 'my' white prince on his white stallion" wow. i'd never expect to see you ever again in my life. i guess i can't say 'never' eh? ironic how the opposites of everything that i'd say 'never' regarding you would come true every time. why must you come along into my life?!

The movie - wasn't that boring and neither was it very interesting.

After the movie? dad messaged me saying "i'm waiting!" even before the movie ended. so i called to inform him that it's about to end and i'll be coming down soon. obviously any NORMAL human would need to go to the toilet after sitting in the cold cinema for 2 hours rite?? so it'll take time to get out of the cinema, go to the toilet and go down all the way from the 7th floor when all the escalators on the main building are closed. duh. he called again. this time demanding why am i not down yet. well, it's not as if you waited for half an hour?? and besides, i didn't even know what time the movie ended and you did asked me to msg you when it has. it's not my fault that you had to come so early and wait. and i ran all the way from one end of the gurney walk to the other ok? i RAN. just as i opened the door, you already started shouting. what's your problem?? so fine, i said sorry, this is the first ever time i said sorry on any situation like this. not once, but i said it twice. if i was the Amy back then, i wouldn't even bother to apologise to you. but you had to go on shouting. dammit. fine then, thankfully i had enough experience throughout the years to fine-tune my ears to a different frequency and shut it down. here it goes again. the cycles of my life. let's see now, when was the last time such an inciddent happened before that was stated in this blog? here:

"THEY wont let me go to KL..!!! now, giving the excuse that i'm asking them last minute?? two weeks b4 hand is last minute?? what the??!! as if THEY would remember anything if i tell THEM about all my plans a month b4?? sheesh!! and now what??! i'm not suppose to talk about all these 'plans' now but after spm... "you tell me which is more important, your plans or your spm..??!!" okay fine, but then if i wanna go out right after or just a day after spm, wouldn't that be lagi last minute?? and i'm not suppose to go since it's last minute??!! it isn't logical.. what THEY are trying to do is lock my up in the house?? keep me away from the society?? grow me up into becoming a loner?? THEY say i'm not street-wise enough... yes THEY are right, if THEY never let me out into the society, of course i shall NEVER learn to be street-wise!!! doesn't it make sense??!! THEY say that i can't expect THEM to be like my friend's parents and that THEY have the right to not follow our (my friends and i) plans..." why don't you and your friends follow my plans??!!" so fine, since HE has that rights, doesn't that makes me have that rights too?? i don't have to follow his plans as well..! i'm also human, i've got my own rights..!! and now, i'm not sure if i can even go for the hawaiian nite... since i can't talk about my plans now, but after spm, doesn't it makes it last minute??!! and therefore i can't go?? isn't that so cool?? trying to get a way just to force me not being able to go out?? why, shouldn't i thank THEM next time, for moulding me into an anti-social loner of the society like HIS stupid sister??!"

(Monday, November 29, 2004 i'm so freaking pissed!)

"the party ended early at about 10:30 although we started late..then all of us waited to go home.. as i got into the car, everything was fine.. until after 2 minutes, everything started again.. back to square one... got lectured by my dad.. and mum just kept quiet showing that she doesn't want to talk to me... as if i would want to talk to her.. *tsk* he warned me saying that if i dun ask him anything a week b4, i'll know what will happen..(i dun know what shit he's talking about and dun even wanna care..) now i guess i'm forced to ground myself and stay at home, shut myself from the society and rot.. how would anyone know what they'll be doing in a weeks time? no one can actually plan their days to come.. as if i can plan to die next week or sumthing like that.. and hello? what's wrong with dropping by at my friends house b4 she sends me over to the hotel? as if i'm lying to you about the party and that i'm going to go somewhere else.. if you don't trust me then why not lock me up in a cage?? wait and see what happens when i'll really lie to you to go somewhere else...
i'll guess that day will be the day that i'll never go home. thank you so much."

(Friday, December 10, 2004 hawaiian nite)

one full cycle has passed. wonder when the next cycle will come? again after half a year? my, isn't my life so interesting, it goes in repetitive cycles. but that is if i'm gone for a period of time like when i left for NS. i was in peace after i came back. so this time, i guess the next cycle will soon come along. the reason why i had so much fun when i'm in form 6, the amount of freedom i so-called 'had' (from all my posts in here) was because i didn't even bother to tell them every single outing that i've gone to. 'what not known does not hurt'. all i had to do was ride off on my bike, especially right after school hours.

i wonder how many more 'cycles' like this will i have to go through b4 i'm six feet under?
so what's next?? come amaze me. tsk.