help wanted

i cant study, alone.. or more like, i just cant be alone..
i need a study partner...
well, i do have one already..
but sharon ppk-ed me toodayyy..... =(
oh well, i cant expect her to accompany me to study everyday just so that i can fill my time and mind with something more useful..
she's got her own stuff to do...
i need to get a life..
sheesh!

bottom line, i didn't study today......
instead, i slept, ate, think, slept, ate, click around my comp, think, sleep and ate some more..
shit. it's gonna be like that tomorrow as well.. i'm screwing myself..

does anyone know how to permanently stop yourself from thinking?
how i wish it was that easy, just like the 'reset' button on the PC whereby a lil press would just work.. and voila! the computer restarts anew.. the wonders of technology.. how i wish i was technologically made.. (i have no idea what crap am i blogging about)

anyway, i came across this book i bought last year, out of desperation to have my questions answered.. when that white bastard (ian) somewhat made me screw up as well..
'He's Just Not That Into You', yes, THAT book.. the no-excuses truth to understanding guys... reading all those articles and stuff inside really made me think twice on where i stand, but then again, i'm a person who has no stand... well, maybe on certain aspects.. i'm too fickle minded.. when i've somewhat cleared things in my mind, i'll tend to cloud it myself with my own thoughts.. maybe it'll just take more time, when i'll start to hate things i once loved and then forget all about it and laugh over it as i look back in this blog.

yes, i know i'm pathetic.. can't help it, was born like that.. lucky for you, you wont have to spend the rest of your life reading my blog, or even with me.

sigh.

i guess i've proven to myself that my life runs in cycles.. reading all those long-forgotten post in my blog shows nothing new.. for instance one of my past post states,

How screwed up can one's life get? or to be more precise, how screwed up can my life get??! the answer? UNDEFINED..nothing comes so easily. everything has got it's consequences or what i would call, 'payback'.. nothing seems to go smoothly for me. absolutely nothing. when i finally get my way at one particular thing, a row of bad situations will befall onto me in an instance.
(25/8/2005)

coincidentally, that post also contains my other pass experience of the same kind..

'payback'.. what goes around, comes around..
i really couldnt agree more..

thinking back, i remembered our RK teacher used to tell us that God has made someone for everyone.. someone that we will soon find who meets all our requirements, expectations and etc. and so she asked us to go home and write down every single detail we would want our future partner to be like, no matter how detailed it may be.. if i'm not mistaken, i did wrote down a list, kept it somewhere and have not seen it since then.. and come to think of it, i once casually list out the qualities that i'm looking for in a person on my friendster profile sorta just for fun.. so happened, all the sane and rational qualities and stuff i listed out matched. silly.. but oh well, it didn't work out.. don't think it will.

guess i'd have to really seriously re-write my list and keep it with me..

this is so random..

but heck, i'm so messed up.

find someone who will lavish you with endless love and gifts and who puts you first on their list NOT second.

nothing is forever, but hey! my forever last only 3 months.. wanna hook up? haha.. tsk.

the perfect toy. get 'em while it's still hot.

weekends brings the worst out of me..

like i've said once, and i'll say it again,
so what's next? come amaze me.. tsk.